Skymall: Summer 2014

I've decided to start a new column dedicated to the wonders of the best catalog in the world:  Skymall.  I travel often for work and have regularly threatened my friends with the idea of an all Skymall Christmas. As I'm currently stuck on the Tarmac, ready for a 6 hr flight, it seems the perfect time to start this column.  The pictures aren't great as I'm literally on a plane.

Sadly, this Skymall isn't as insane as most!  But there are still some gems:

1.  A wine sippy cup.  Who exactly is this for?  The person who is to drunk to work a cup? A toddler with a drinking problem?   I guess the fake stem is just there to keep it classy.

2.  On top, they are advertising what is essentially a Segway without the top.  You just stand and it wheels you where you are going.  And it's almost a grand. So you can not walk.  Walking is free.  I recommend walking.  On the bottom is an amazing contraption that is half skateboard, half inline skates.  Once, when I was about 7, I decided to try my hand (foot?) at skateboarding and promptly fell off and almost broke my wrist.  I suspect my clumsy ass would not fare well in the Orbitwheel.  Although it's a bargain at a mere $99.99.  

3.  No lying--I need this jacket.  I will go to events where nobody else gets a single bug bite and I'll have dozens.  Over the years I've tried every type of spray.  I don't wear perfumes or scented anything and I never wear bright colors but I still get bit like mad.  Need to know if you have fleas?  I'll walk through your house and come out with ankles looking like I'm 9 months pregnant. This jacket might be the best invention in the world.  

4.  I would only buy this for someone as a joke. What kind of person buys a singing gondolier for their pool?  Who buys this???

5.  On the other hand--if I didn't live in an apartment I would not only have this climbing squirrel but that zombie dog??  Totally would be in my yard.  In fact, that's possibly my mom's Christmas present.  

6.  Doesn't everyone feel their shower could be improved if it looked more like a rave?  I've been to a lot of spas (okay, like 2 spas) and I don't remember multicolored showers!  Obviously I wasn't involved in the " pure fun"!  

7.  Don't lie.  You'd buy everything on this page if you could.   Everybody wants a body of armor or an Egyptian coffin in their house.  I'd use it to scare the dogs and pull "Home Alone" style pranks but I'm sure there are many uses. And most of the options offer curbside delivery!  So you don't have to go pick it up like a filthy heathen.  

8. I love this page.  In the middle, they offer his and her fake tattoo shirts--there is nothing more badass  than committing to wearing a shirt with printed tattoos.  So realistic!   I like the shirts in the lower left because I was just sitting waiting for this plane with a set of young lovers wearing matching shirts that said "I love my southern wife" and "I love my southern husband" over gigantic confederate flags.  Ah, young love.   

But the real winner is the box in the lower right corner.  It appears that the box exists to give you daily affirmations, but only if your name is Bob.  Wouldn't your day improve if a box complimented you every time you opened it?  I am looking good today, box, thanks for noticing!  

9. You think I'm going to talk about the hideous dholes but no--that bag freaking winks as you wear it!!!  What kind of black magic is that???  Burn the witch!!

All in all, I'm disappointed in the summer 2014 issue of Skymall.  It doesn't have nearly the WTFeryof previous editions.  I'm going to have to rate this one a 3/10 because there aren't nearly enough items you'd have to be low on oxygen to buy. 

Top 9 TJOTJOC posts of all time!! Or at least until now.

As I get back into the swing of posting, I thought I would do a "best of" list.  Here is a list of my top 9 posts of all time (according to Google) and my memory of them.  (Also, if you are going to post my stuff on Pinterest--and I love that--please don't post my very ugliest pictures!  Come on, guys!).

1.

Meatloaf I (p. 512), Meat Loaf Sandwich (p. 183), Thousand Island Dressing (p. 576), and Cabbage, Potatoes, and Ham (p. 263)

This is the best meatloaf recipe ever.  I'm not sure what makes it so great--there aren't any weird ingredients or anything, so it must really be just the exact right ingredient proportions.  Can't recommend this one enough.

2.  

Baked Macaroni and Cheese (p. 326), White Sauce I (p. 550), Buttered Breadcrumbs (p. 960), and Corn Bread, Muffins, or Sticks (p.632)

I always like baked mac and cheese more than stovetop because I like a crunchy top.  Frankly, everyone should be able to make white sauce at the drop of a hat, too, because it's the base of about a billion recipes.

3.  

Slow-cooker stock (p. 118), Chicken-fried steak (p. 475), Fried eggplant III (p. 273), and Jamaican rice and peas (p. 356)

I'm guessing the stock is the reason people read this one so much.  I don't really see the point of slow cooker stock and I've never made it again--it's so easy to make on the stove, I don't see the point.  I love that chicken fried steak recipe, I make fried eggplant all the time, and I don't remember the rice and peas at all.

4.  

Shortbread crust (p. 667), New York-style cheesecake (p. 744), Chocolate satin frosting (p. 796), and Fresh raspberry sauce (raspberry coulis)(p. 853)

Okay, this one I get.  This cheesecake was a beautiful work of art, the crust was delicious, and the sauces were the best.  

5.  

Guy Fawkes Day cake (p. 724)

Another one that confuses me.  Do people really make this cake that often or do they just wonder what it is?

6.  

Pulled pork (p. 500), Southern barbecue dry rub (p. 587), Western North Carolina barbecue sauce (p. 587), and Ray's mustard barbecue sauce (p. 586)

Pulled pork is SOOOOO easy to make and I always make my own barbeque sauce--it's easy and you get exactly what you want.

7.  

Beef Stroganoff (p. 476)

Not my favorite.  Never been my favorite, never going to be my favorite.

8.  

Chicken or turkey fricassee (p. 432)

I apparently really liked this when I made it but it included one of my biggest TJOC pet peeves--having to dig around chicken bones in sauce.  I haven't made it since.

9.  

Chili Con Carne (p.513) and Mexican Orange Drops (p. 874)

I don't like chili con carne because I like my chili to have ground beef and not chunks of beer.  The orange drops were great though.

The RELAUNCH!

What an exciting day this is going to be for everyone!  This is my relaunch of TJOTJOC!  Just what you've all been waiting for!

So, here's the rundown.

Schedule from now on:  I'm going to post at least a post a week.  It's very possible I'm going to write these all at once but I'm going to schedule them so they come out periodically.

Why the break?  I have had a lot of personal issues but on top of that, I just lost my passion for blogging.  I still was cooking but I managed to get so spectacularly behind I couldn't even imagine how I would ever catch up.  And that bogged me down.  And then I just gave up.  I had an entire Thanksgiving's worth of recipes on a phone that was stolen.  I was downtrodden.

So what changed?  My cousin, Erica, made the point that I could do whatever I want to catch up because it's my blog.  I can just summarize the recipes, I can post them in detail, I can cook them again.  I can do whatever I want because this blog is totally mine.  And that was empowering!  So I'm just going to start blogging about what I'm cooking and do exactly that to catch up--write up some old posts, summarize other, and just totally recook a few.

AND WHAT'S NEW?  Much like some of you, I've fallen in love with subscription boxes.  I actually switched out my bar budget for a subscription box budget (much healthier in the long run!).  I'm going to post about them.  If you like this, great!  If you hate it, skip them!  Simple.  The first week is going to be subscription box heavy but don't worry--the food will come back and be about 75% of the posts.

What else is new?  I've updated all the pages up top!  Make sure to comment and let me know what you think of the changes.  I'm excited and I hope you are too.

I love you all!  Thank you for sticking with me through the years!